I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
