a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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