Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize