it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
