dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize