I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
