cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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