I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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