They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize