You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
