so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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