I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We left an ass print on the piano.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You made out with two different species that night
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
