There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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