do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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