Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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