I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
