When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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