Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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