I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
