Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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