your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There r osticjed everywhere
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
