Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
