I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
As shirtless as possible
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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