my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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