eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
