I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
