her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
