jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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