i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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