Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
