no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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