sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
