all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
