He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
