More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
