my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
