Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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