Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
