When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
