they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
porn star boner night. come get it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The air was thick with penises
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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