i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
