told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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