I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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