My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
