All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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