I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
