we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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