chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
