his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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