HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
