I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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