STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
