Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
