I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
