omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
