She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
