he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
