Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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