Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
