So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
