u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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