Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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