Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
no you cant smoke seaweed
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
