just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
