I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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