Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
