this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
