everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
